It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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