I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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