I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize