The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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