i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
His nipple licking is glorious
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