im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
