This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
