i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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