The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
