I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
