you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
