Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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