dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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