i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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