69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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