Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
