3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize