no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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