booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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