we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
