He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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