I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize