i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
