She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
