he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
