Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
