I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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