3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if only i could text you this smell
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
