fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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