We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize