Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
