I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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