how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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