Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
