1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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