we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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