So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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