does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
