so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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