There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
