I CAN MOONWALK!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
