I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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