We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
