Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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