She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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