Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
