That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
