What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
