i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
