He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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