I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
