I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize