I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I bet he comes in French.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
