I love black thongs
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
