I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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