He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
