dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
