she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
