so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
