Christians are straight up FREAKS
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
