We won't sleep together?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
