My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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