time to smoke my breakfast
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
