So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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