Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
